Hey friend, welcome to Daring Mind.

The man is unequivocally in charge – whether he acknowledges it or not.

Daring to think and act against the common wisdom is a philosophy – and a path – that will get you results atypical from the average, mainstream western ideals. This is probably not what you want – because it’s comfortable being the average. There are plenty of average role models, and there’s always the excuse that “everyone else is doing it, so it must be right!”

Doing something atypical, in my experience, leads to atypical results. But why would you want atypical relationships? Perhaps a few concerns you might have:

  • If about half of marriages dissolve, including non-married couples in the statistics makes the odds of your committed relationship succeeding very unlikely.
  • 10% of children born in the westernized societies don’t have the father everyone thinks he is.
  • 40% of exclusive long-term relationships encounter infidelity at least once.
  • 2/3 of women end up marrying the guy who doesn’t run away – instead of the guy they want (contributing to high divorce rate).
  • Most men in western society lack any real spiritual component in their life.
  • Marriages are largely a roommates-with-benefits, and family-running business partnerships instead of fulfilling and supportive unions.
  • Academia acknowledges the problem of “emasculated men” and Guyland, yet no one addresses the lack of Women (not girls).
  • Westernized environment allows for both guys and girls from becoming Men and Women.

Every relationship is different in its subtle way, and despite most relationships having many elements in common there is still a vast variety of partners, life stages and preferences.

In most relationships a man (or a more-masculine partner) has a larger influence on the relationship’s success. Below I present to you the list of traits that if pursued relentlessly will improve your relationship. The only caveat is that if adopting these principles does not improve your relationship – there must be larger unhandled issues that you need to address with your partner.

  • Decisiveness
    This is fundamental to being a man. Indecisiveness will stagnate all areas of your life, and will erode the trust and support of your partner – which left unaddressed will continue to negatively affect your relationship.
  • Larger-picture unwavering focus
    If your goal is on the other side of the forest, running full-speed in to the trees is a disaster in the making. Is winning the argument important to the continued success of your relationship or is it largely irrelevant? Stand your ground on principles, compromise on specifics.
  • Unconditional support
    It is important to feel and be supported by your partner – it is also important to support the larger purpose that your mate pursues. This is opposite of what many people do – as this requires knowing your partner’s ambitions and mentoring them as an equal.
  • Integrity
    You are accountable to yourself 100% of the time. You messed up if you have to justify yourself or your actions. Actions of integrity require no explanation outside of a mentoring realm.
  • Defend your relationship
    Deal with anything you perceive as threat to your ongoing success to your relationship swiftly. Expect resistance from your partner, but consider that anything that presents an issue for you will affect your relationship. Sometimes you need to address what comes up with yourself, and sometimes your partner needs to adjust themselves. Call it out when you see it and embrace the conflict – for a better overall relationship.
  • Accountability
    No one is keeping the score. You are 100% accountable for what you did in the last 10 minutes. If you don’t like it – do something else in the next 10 minutes.
  • Time alone
    As men, especially in a wife-kids or even co-habituating relationships it is imperative to have designated alone time. It’s impossible to get “your own perspective” as a man when it’s constantly being muddled by inputs from your family/friends/partner. One evening a week should be plenty and shouldn’t strain your lifestyle. If it does – warning – your lifestyle is already out of balance!
  • Time together
    Evening out – just you and your partner. No kids, no friends, no errands. Doesn’t need to be “dinner-and-a-movie” but must be outside of your house. Just as you take time to reconnect with yourself, allow the same for your romantic relationship.

Of course, being mortal means you will miss some of these from time to time. It’s OK. That’s how your relationship becomes multi-dimensional. Pitfalls are necessary for your relationship to grow and blossom.

When you act, feel and think (in precisely that order) as a Man, the issues in your relationships will reduce to entertaining anecdotes.