The particulars in regard to why someone would want to be involved in a committed romantic relationship will be different for each individual, but there will always be an over-arching theme familiar to anyone who chooses to involve themselves in a relationship of any kind: the relationship, or rather being with a particular person, would make something available to the individual that they would not be able to obtain on their own. This could be as simple as a business-like marriage where having two incomes is better than one, or because someone believes that being sexually intimate with someone requires that they enter in to a formalize agreement. But often it’s not really any one of the logical reasons that people choose to stay with a partner. More and more individuals enter in to a relationship because they somehow see that the potential for growth and enjoyment is easier achieved by being together with a compatible partner rather than alone.
Ultimately, people pursue a relationship with a particular individual because they see such a relationship as a vehicle to arrive at where they want to be. This destination could be simple as having and raising children to as complex as having someone support you on your path to raising your consciousness to the highest level you can.
A large number of people end up in relationships they don’t enjoy, or relationships which are detrimental to their well being and unhealthy in a number of way due to not having a clear understanding of why they choose to be in a relationship with a particular person at this time in their life. In retrospect virtually everyone can see the reasons they were involved with this partner or that at some past point in their life. It is only the people who are consciously choose a partner to be with that also enjoy the feeling of knowing that they are indeed with the right partner at present.
But to anyone living in a westernized society it is obvious that important but still rather primitive things like shelter, property, sexual gratification and companionship can all be taken care of without resorting to any kind of sexually and emotionally committed relationship. People date, hook up, join swinger communities and clubs. And this is no longer true just for the twenty and under generation – there’s a world of people in their thirties, forties and even fifties who by choice or not participate in the singles lifestyle. People cohabitate before marriage, have access to a variety of available sexual partners, their lifestyle and well being not requiring that someone else is next to them. So why do people give up what seems like so much fun all for some silly idea that someone else can complete them? The truth is quite selfish in this regard: people just perceive that being with a particular individual helps them further their cause. In effect, people in a committed relationship use each other to fill the needs they are not able to fill by themselves. There is no way to separate out of a relationship the fact that no matter what anyone says, both partners settle in to roles. Sometimes they are not classically assigned gender roles – like a man can be a stay at home dad while mom is a high powered CFO. Maybe one partner ends up as the more mature mentor to their partner, or in a more dysfunctional relationship dynamic the caretaker. Still there is no way around the fact people only get in to a relationship because they see value in it for themselves. No one enters a committed relationship out of charity. On your way to building a happy and fulfilling relationship, it’s vital that you can honestly answer to yourself exactly why you are in a relationship or if you’re single, what being in a relationship would make available to you. It’s not important as to how right or wrong your reasons look or how others you know might judge them – what is important is that you are aware of what they are.
