“I just want to be myself” – is an excuse people use when making improvements requires an effort. This is something everyone (even I) are guilty of from time to time.

If that’s the symptom, then what’s the problem? Most people have no idea who they are to begin with.

It’s natural to assume that you are what you do. An accountant, chef, medical doctor, coach, car mechanic, helicopter pilot, history professor, truck driver, etc. You are exactly what you answer to a question like: “And what do you do?” Bingo! You have just summarized your entire existence in one or two words. Of course this is sully; no one would ever have such a small answer to an open ended question like that! Well, I have for a long time.

So, how do you be who you are when you don’t know who you must be? To quote a famous Russian musician: “It is very difficult to find a black cat in a dark room – especially if it isn’t there.”

You might say that people are what they repeatedly do – which is correct – and all of those things together make you, well, you. A great way to discover who you actually are is to consider all of the things you did in the last 4 months, including activities like swimming or skiing that are seasonal, outside of your primary occupation. Visited a neighboring state, gone white-water rafting, sailed, hiked, visited a museum, composed a song, wrote an article, read a book or two, drew a picture, took a photograph, taught a friend something new, hosted a party, prepared a meal, learned a new dance, played volleyball, ordered a new dish at a restaurant, watched a new movie, began learning a foreign language, offered advice, etc.

But categories are a good thing – that’s how we, humans, make sense of the world. So now that you wrote your own list (now, it only takes a moment if you do it) let’s have a few categories – archetypes – you might relate yourself with:

• Teacher
• Artist
• Chef
• Singer song-writer
• Rocker
• Surfer
• Biker
• Extreme adventurer
• Spiritualist
• Clubber
• Explorer
• Wine or food aficionado
• Dancer
• Skateboarder
• Europhile
• Reiki master
• Volunteer
• Entrepreneur

Now you might find yourself with an extensive list of attributes, some of then unrelated (dancer-skateboarder) some related (dancer-clubber). Now, pick the best traits you have from each of the categories – and viola! This is who you are: the elusive “yourself.”

If the list is too short for your liking, just pick a few random things and add them at the bottom. By doing more of what you already are involved in you effortlessly become more of who you are – it’s more enjoyable for you, makes you happier.

And when someone asks you what is it that you do you’ll have a great story for an answer.